Endings and Beginnings

  It is a beautiful Spring day, sunny with a brisk cool breeze. All of my deciduous trees are starting to wake up, tiny buds unfurling their hidden green. We sadly lost our pet bunny a little over a week ago, and I am missing her presence in the garden today. She was stubborn, fearless, and completely at home in my garden. I miss her getting under foot as I work, getting nosy when I prune or weed anything, hoping I will drop something tasty. My back garden feels empty without her. "You should have been here," I say under my breath as I work, "you should have been here to see this day."

  I've been in a pretty bad funk over her passing, and it felt good to go work out in the garden today, thinking of how happy she was here, instead of dwelling on the ending. Also thinking of the future, making plans, starting new beginnings. Today was a seed sewing day. I started carrot, rocket, silverbeet, calendula, parsley, and chamomile into seed trays. I sorted through my seed stash and thought about what else I will plant this year. I found some potatoes in the pantry that had started sprouting and set them in a sunny spot so I can plant them later. Life goes on, life starts anew, even. 

 Today I roasted the biggest and most beautiful of my butternut pumpkins. I was saving it for last. I usually roast them whole because they are a pain to cut up raw. But this one I cut in half and scooped out the seeds before roasting. I laid the seeds out on a plate to dry. They will be my seeds for planting this year. As I worked, I thought about last year's butternut pumpkins. How they rambled everywhere, the conversations with passing neighbors, the one that got stolen. I marveled at  how beautifully this pumpkin kept, nearly six months since its harvest. I thought about this season's pumpkin growing plans. 

  Gardening provides continuity in a way I find comforting. It connects me to past and future while still grounding me in the present. Even when I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life, I know how to plan my veggie garden. And that gives me a little bit of confidence when it comes to everything else.

Look at this beauty

  

Seeds ready for drying

Seed potatoes, both planned and improvised

The bunny herself, in my wild weedy garden